"Life is Strange"
Observational true-to-life tales by The Lone Observer
Encounter 5: Saturday night at a family sports bar, January 2010.
Subject: "Drunken Karaoke"
Hello. I am simply a lone observer in my 20s who happens to encounter strange people, intentional or not, for my amusement and for yours.
This encounter happened at a family-owned sports bar somewhere in the South.
In this life, I have met some strange and scary people. As bad as they are, yaoi fangirls, nymphomaniacs, manchildren and even furries weren't enough to unnerve me 100%. But, one Saturday night, I've encountered a dangerous group of people: alcoholics.
Yes, drunks. The very people that litter bars, a place I was at during this encounter, scare the living shit out of me. You would think that they are amusing when they go up on the stage and perform drunken karaoke, and that is true. But, that's only one side of the matter. Give a person enough liquor, and they will lose all inhibition and common sense, and may God help you should the person get violent or needy.
Anyway, I was there on my own, eating a plate of hot wings (I do admit, the place has really good chicken wings) and drinking glasses of sweet tea, sticking around for karaoke. I used to go there almost every week for a while to eat good food and to participate in karaoke. I never drank due to myself being the only one who can drive myself home, but despite that, it was all in good fun.
The emcee during those karaoke nights was a man we called "Coach". Nice old fellow. Nothing negative about him. Neither were most of the chaps and ladies around, such as a child who wore a cowboy hat and usually covered country songs. He was pretty cool, especially his cover of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" in the style of The Charlie Daniels Band.
I usually go up for about 3 to 4 times and sing my songs when it was my turn during the rotation, and I've always ended each night with a Blues Brothers cover, along with dancing. Tonight seemed to be a normal night, save for the influx of new people who wanted to watch a football game that was on TV. The last time a game was on when I visited the bar, it was the game between UGA and GA Tech and the majority were UGA fanatics. Not just UGA fanatics--drunk UGA fanatics. I was quite afraid, but not because of their drunkeness, but rather that I almost walked in with my GA Tech cap. I left it in the car that night because the night was quite warm and I didn't need to keep my head from getting cold. Had I worn the cap, I'd probably wouldn't be around to write this entry.
Ok, enough derailing.
As I ate my wings, an aged woman with a pale complexion and short hair emerged from a group of women who sat together at a table across from mine came up to the stage and sang some songs. She had a nice voice. After she sat back down to her table, she knocked back a few beers along with her friends. Thought nothing special about it.
Ok, now this is the part of the story where shit gets ugly.
As I sang, I heard cheering from someone in the back. When I discovered who it was, I thought to myself, "Oh no. Why him?"
This dude was someone I met in the bar weeks earlier. A tall, shit-faced Caucasian dude appearing in his mid-to-late 20s with a red nose went up to me and always asked me for $5. Presumably, he wanted to buy more drinks, despite the fact that he staggered around, had slurred speech, and smelled like beer. He would come towards me and offer to sing with me if I gave him money. I told him I don't carry cash (a lie) and that he should leave me be. Still, he'd ask me and like 2 other people for cash until I decided to just leave out of frustration. And now he's back. Fuck.
He spots me and says that he likes my voice and wants to duet with me. He is still piss-drunk. Fearing for my life, I comply, and he picks a song. He still smells like beer, but at least he's not hitting me up for cash this time.
I eventually sing two duets with him. One of his choice (I had to wing it since I was unfamiliar with his song choice), and the other being "Soul Man" (which he surprisingly did great backup vocals for). After the latter song, I sat down and I ended up talking to the old woman I mentioned earlier. Note that she is also drunk--she knocked down quite a lot of beer when I last saw her. She then initiates conversation with me.
"Hi...you have a nice voice.", she says to me.
"Thank you, ma'am", I reply. "You do too."
"You know, I usually spend my time on the Internet, looking for someone. I'm with some family and friends, having some fun. Looking for a younger man...I'm 67 years old, you know."
I freeze. "Why, Lord?"
She continues, "You have a very lovely voice..." She giggles as she leans towards me and reaches her hand towards me. "Fuck this!", I thought, and promptly got up before she got a chance to reach for my disco stick.
As I escape, the drunk white guy from earlier hugs me really hard, thanking me to sing with him and smelling like beer, and shouts "I LOVE YOU, MAN!!!"
Awkward moment.
To add insult to injury, the old woman looks on and says, "Aww. Such a nice boy.", referring to the drunk.
I call for my waitress, asked for my bill, paid for it, left a tip, and got the fuck out of there.
I climbed into my car, started it, and drove back home with just enough speed to not get a speeding violation.
I learned that night that people can be very scary and immoral creatures once alcohol drowns away their inhibitions and moral conditioning. Also, alcohol is one powerful truth serum. Just ask Mel Gibson.
-Encounter 5: END-
FOOTNOTE: I did go to that establishment one week later. Slow night, with just the kid and his folks. Sang my throat raw and my voice gave out. That was the last time I went back there, for I decided that my karaoke career should come to an end. I miss those delicious hot wings.
